Believe in me

So I feel a lot like this summer with everyone home I have spent a majority of my time breaking up fights or asking someone to stop doing something they shouldn't. I am typically a pretty positive parent, but have really felt a negative undertone this summer breaking up the arguments.

Last night at the temple Shawn and I came up with a few ideas that we wanted to implement in our home to try to divert these negative problems, mainly to help mom keep her sanity.

More responsibility, seeing the good, and slowing down.

Today I noticed something positive in Bostyn that I have never shared with her before. I told her how much I appreciated her ability to see Tytus' struggles and I loved her willingness to love him through them. I gave her a few examples of when she has been there for Tytus in the exact way that he needed it.

She got teared up and said, "You know Mom, I really needed to hear this today!" Her whole demeanor changed. I could tell that my compliment to her strengthened her ability to see the good she had inside of herself.

So simple. Instead of telling her the things she had been doing wrong, I told her the one thing I had seen her do right. I forget that even kids have days when they doubt themselves. Just like us, they want to feel valued and appreciated.

If we don't believe in them, who will? Wish I could have had this eye opener a few months ago. Our kids are not perfect, but they each have good in them. Look for it. It might surprise you just how amazing they are.

You will eat the rest of your sugar before we can leave

Today Shawn had the day off. Jordyn has been gone for the week, but we got to have her for a few hours this afternoon. After playing at the park for a few hours, we decided to run in and grab some frozen  yogurt.

The kids love this little self serve place where they get to pour their own toppings on and pick their flavors and serve themselves. We reminded them as we were pulling up that they could pick two flavors and two toppings.

Well as it happens with six kids, a few of them fell through the cracks and by the time we got to the check out their cups were filled to the brim with ice cream and toppings. Most of them had stuck with the two flavors and two toppings rule, but had gone over board with each one.

When the girl rings us up, the total is well over $40.00 . . . for freaking ice cream. I pay the girl and by this time I am so frustrated that I just gave my right arm for frozen yogurt all because my kids didn't follow directions. We sit down, and within about ten bites many of the kids are over their concoctions. A scenario I knew would happen!

All mom's, and especially those of big families can relate to this one . . . similar to the "I paid good money for that happy meal, you will eat every bite of your deep fried french fries and nuggets", I was the mom making my kids eat every last bite of their over priced, over filled, self serve ice cream cups. If nothing in my life ever makes me feel quite so white trash, I will be ok with that. "You are not done eating that sugar young man . . . so eat up!"

Lesson learned. If you want to have fun eating ice cream with mom maybe stick with the dollar cones at mcdonald's so her heart attack can come from the deep fried delicious french fries instead of her feeling the need to spend her time forcing you to eat every bite of your volcanic soup of soft serve sugar.

Maybe I am a control freak, but what happened to the good old days where hard working payed employees told my kids exactly what they could have with a price connected to it? Over dramatic . . . indeed. Can't wait to have them talk about this little trip to ice cream in 10 years. "Remember when we over flowed our ice cream, and Mom wanted to teach us a lesson in obedience so she made us eat every bite?"Bahahah. I can just hear it now. And I am sure by then paying $45.00 for an afternoon stroll to the ice cream store will seem like chump change.

Ok, soap box is over. On a lighter note. I had a blast with my entire family today . . . and that was my favorite part of the day!

Back to earth

I have been having a hard time with some of my kids this week. We just got back from a long week away from home, and they seemed to be fighting and at each other. We have had a lot of disrespect and anger burst at mom. 

This morning I decided to try some new ideas to see if I could help unify them and help them remember to be respectful. I gave each child a job and helped them accomplish them. They each put their laundry away and organized in their rooms. 

I then had them sit on the couch and have quiet reading time. They were resistant at first, but then relaxed and enjoyed the calm. 

Next they had 30 min of free time. Most of them chose electronics, while Kaleeya and Bostyn teamed up and went outside to go through the garbage to find old boxes to make a space ship. 

I set a timer to alert the electronic kids when their screen time is over. That way they knew exactly when they were done, without me saying a word to them. This seemed to avoid the frustration with ending screen time to be directed at me. Teage just ran over and turned it off as soon as the timer went off. 

Now they are all outside making rain coats out of garbage sacks, and a space ship out of Costco boxes. 

I think sometimes our kids are overstimulated with water parks and entertainment. For me, it seems that when my kids begin to get a little of the entitled snottiness, I just need to bring them back to earth. It never works to go buy them new toys, or spend more money entertaining them. It is when they are home learning new jobs, and working as a team that I see them unite. 

We sure love to go to the park, swim, and eat popcorn at the movies . . . but that is not what usually teaches them how to be grateful kids. We don't have to spend money to show our kids a good time. I fight the urge to wine and dine them all summer long. But today has been a good reminder to me to keep it simple some days. 

I am off to go get fitted for a rain coat! ;)

Time

So as I have spent the last six months writing on my personal blog about our story, I have had many other thoughts flood my mind. In an effort to keep our story in some what of a particular order I have failed to write down any extra thoughts that have come my way. It is kind of making me crazy. So this blog is going to be devoted to my random thoughts. Things that I am thinking about right now, and not back then. I probably won't use spell check, or give a care about grammar!  haha.  So expect words misspelled, random, and crazy bipolar soap boxes.  Real every day life thoughts from a mom!

Today I was at our neighborhood swimming pool. A friend of mine was there. She told me that she struggles with just getting on the floor and playing with her kids. She said she gets crazy with messes and gets anxiety about actives that make messes. She shared this with me and then asked me how I get through those times personally. I thought a lot about what she said, and I totally relate.

It has been a struggle with me, at times, to just let go. To be a mom we have so much on our plate. We want to have fun with our kids, but lets be honest . . . we have so much to do. We want to paint with our fingers and make a mess, but it is so daunting to clean it all up afterward. As I thought about my answer I thought of some of the things that have helped me in my fight to be a mom who can let it all go.

Here is what I came up with that has worked for me:

1. I don't allow push notifications to pop up on my phone. When we let Facebook, and twitter, and instagram, and even email pop up every time we have a notification on our phone we give them our power.  I have blocked everything but phone calls and text from my phone. That way, when I am with my kids I can be present. I can control when I read my emails, check my Facebook and look at other peoples pictures. Lets be honest, if we read an email . . . then we feel we must respond. For me having those things at my access, but only when I need them is powerful. When those things are always ringing in our ears, they are a constant pull away from what we are present in.

2. My kids are my best friends. We don't usually invite anyone else when we go explore the park, or we  go swim at the pool. We take the extra time to get to  know each other. I learn a lot more about my kids when we are just us. There is a time and a place for friends, but we have learned to enjoy having it be just us more often than not.

3. I pray hard when I feel that panic come over me. I give myself a mommy timeout and find a quiet spot to pray for inspiration on how to handle the chaos. I pray for ideas on something fun to do to divert their energy. I seek counsel when someone is struggling for ways to help them through their struggle. I also pray for my own peace, that I can handle the mess as we build memories and learn new things.

4. Think like a kid. Kids are so simple. We try to make everything interesting and crafty, and they simply do not care. We don't have to get on pinterest to find fun ideas. Make up a game. Let them decorate their pizza. Help them organize their closet. Let them make the bed. Let them clean the toilet. Let them make the smoothie. These things can be frustrating when not done right. They can be annoying when the "cleaning" only makes a bigger mess. But how much fun do they have learning a new skill? They are excited to help and they are eager to learn.

I know that being a mom is hard. I am one! Every day I entertain, clean, cook, drive, referee, sing to, read to, discipline, and encourage six little ones. It can sometimes be a thankless job, but not one that needs more than payments in kisses and hugs. Being a mom can be fun. It is easier said than done, but on those days when I just let it all go and put my kids first . . . it is the greatest blessing of my life.

Dance in the rain, and peel cucumbers all over the floor. Maybe the neighbors might come to the door and see your mess . . . but at least the memories you are making will never be forgotten. The messes witnessed by others are worth the smiles you will create.

Be present with those little ones. Put away your computer and your phone. Be the mom they deserve. Guess I am done for today, because quiet time is now over and everyone is refreshed and ready to play. Quit reading this and go make a memory!