Garden

The little two and I worked in the garden today before Kaleeya had to go to school. We planted all sorts of fruits and vegetables. We got laughing at Tytus because he was so excited he would jump up and down and almost fall over every time we started a new bag of seeds.

The little things. Sometimes I forget how simple life can be.

For the first time, I have been able to see what it is like to have just one child at home. It is so weird when we take Kaleeya to school and it is just Tytus and me. Sometimes it kind of makes me sad I haven't been able to have that with each one of my kids. The twins never got to have me to themselves, and Teage and Jordyn and Kaleeya for real are never one on one.

I was thinking about this today as I laid Ty down for his nap. As I was leaving he said, "Mom, I love you . . . but I miss the kids. Maybe you shouldn't go on a date anymore so we can all just be together all the time."

I forget sometimes that kids love the consistency and love of just being together. He loves me, but without his brothers and sisters he does not feel complete. I love my little guy and his excitement for life, his ability to see joy in his large family, and the tender excitement of planting a seed and watching it grow.

These kids teach me more than I ever knew possible. I love being a mom and watching each of them, that started out as tiny little seeds, grow into amazing people with great big missions. I look forward to seeing them in each phase of their lives and each step in their journey.

Grateful that Heavenly Father made me a mom. It is the greatest blessing of my life.

Bubbles

After a week of grandparents visiting, a surgery, a time change, and Halloween . . . our kids were in need of a detox. They have been arguing and at each other all weekend long. Shawn and I were so worn out by the end of the night Sunday that we were relieved to put them to bed.

Today when the kids got home from school, nothing had changed. They looked tired and hung over from their candy hang overs. I was tempted to just put them all to bed at 5:00 and skip dance and the rest of the night.

I said like a million prayers all day trying to figure out something that could unify and bring us all together. After they each ate their after school snack a random thought popped in my head.

I told everyone to head into my bathroom, filled the bathtub up with epsom salt and bubbles. We all pulled up our pant legs and soaked our feet in the bubbly water. I went around the bathtub and one at a time we focused on each person in the room. We all told a few things we loved about that person. By the end of our foot soak, everyone was smiling and laughing.

We had the best night we have had in a long time. I always forget that kids want to know what they do right. They like to be acknowledged for their good qualities.

I am really thankful for the little tender mercy that came to me today to help me slow down and enjoy the wonderful little blessings I have in my home. They have so much good in each of them, but it is hard to see when we are all looking so hard for what bothers us. I will have to remember the simple little bubble bath next time we are all forgetting to see each other.

Pumpkin squares

I had to cook some pumpkin squares for the twins class tomorrow. I was voluntold that was the recipe they signed me up to bring. It is so strange how a child hood memory can be sparked with just the smell of cooking a pumpkin dessert. My house is filled with the smell of my childhood tonight and my mind is filled with the memories that smell holds.

I miss being a kid today. A carefree, no worries, excited, "can't sleep because tomorrow is Halloween" kind of kid. I don't know why but this time of year always reminds me in someways of all the years gone by. All the memories I don't even have a picture of to hold in my hand . . . but in an instant one smell can bring them all flooding my thoughts.

Here is to all the years that have gone by. I hope to have a hundred more, so every year I don't have to miss this smell. The smell of baking love that filled my mothers kitchen year after year . . . and now fills mine.

Grace

 Last week I had the privilege of traveling to different places to speak at a few different events. Each one was totally different, but one thing remained the same at them all. Our world is full of so much heart ache and pain.

My first night I spent with a group of random woman. Each of different back grounds and stories. I felt to speak about looking for the good in the little moments of our lives. The next morning I spent at a widows conference. The room was so full of heart ache I could almost see it. As I spoke to them I could feel this drive to give them hope. Help them remember the good that still lies ahead. The next group was a stake in Pocatello. There were many youth in the audience. With them I felt the need to talk about choices. The importance of choosing the best choices right now to help give us strength in the future.

Each talk was totally different, but one theme was consistent. The grace of God is for us all. In our parenting, in our hopes and our dreams . . . but especially in the loss of our stories. We all had a story written in our minds about what our lives would one day be, yet not one of us will live that exact perfect dream.

It is in Jesus's grace that we can become ok with the story we have yet to live. The imperfect life we have been given. With the bumps, and the bruises, and all of the mishaps that happen along the way. It may not be the one that we wrote all those years ago when we thought we would be the exception to the sorrows of the world, but it can still become our happily ever after.

It is not in perfection that we can find hope; it is in a Heavenly Father who loves us that we can be blessed to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Same team

In church today a friend of mine talked about something I have not thought much about before. When we fight with our spouse about who is right, that is the very minute we are not on the same team.

I have thought a lot about that throughout the day today and want to incorporate that into my own marriage. Teams don't have to fight for who is right, because their end goal is always the same. Nobody loses on a team, because they only win when they work together.

Thought of the night. If someone is on your team then focus more on fighting together for the goals of the team. The little 'I am right's will come and go, but in the end if we are working as team mates, we will never lose.

Summer's End

It is always kind of depressing for me when the kids go back to school. I look back on summer and wonder What the heck did we do all summer?

I have been a little down on my self the last few days with all the lists of things I failed to do with my kids. Today when we were out school shopping, the big kids started talking about all the reasons they didn't want to go back to school. Reason number one came down to: WE DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU MOM.

Maybe I didn't go to any art museums this summer, or do all the science experiments, or read all the chapter books I had planned to read to my kids . . . but there is no where they would rather be. And at the end of a long summer . . .  full of road trips to do firesides and cleaning our house and swimming . . . I will take it. There is no where else I would rather be either.

Being a mom is hard, but it is right where I belong. I am not good at planning out extravegant pinterest inspired afternoons, but I know how to love! Hopefully some day I can not let myself get down when I am not someone else, but learn to appreciate the things that I do best. Let go of the fact that right now in my life I don't always have time to run a tight ship school of fun and learning, but somedays we just survive.  As long as they have love, and food, then it was a good day! And as long as they laughed, loved, and smiled . . . then it was a great summer.

Believe in me

So I feel a lot like this summer with everyone home I have spent a majority of my time breaking up fights or asking someone to stop doing something they shouldn't. I am typically a pretty positive parent, but have really felt a negative undertone this summer breaking up the arguments.

Last night at the temple Shawn and I came up with a few ideas that we wanted to implement in our home to try to divert these negative problems, mainly to help mom keep her sanity.

More responsibility, seeing the good, and slowing down.

Today I noticed something positive in Bostyn that I have never shared with her before. I told her how much I appreciated her ability to see Tytus' struggles and I loved her willingness to love him through them. I gave her a few examples of when she has been there for Tytus in the exact way that he needed it.

She got teared up and said, "You know Mom, I really needed to hear this today!" Her whole demeanor changed. I could tell that my compliment to her strengthened her ability to see the good she had inside of herself.

So simple. Instead of telling her the things she had been doing wrong, I told her the one thing I had seen her do right. I forget that even kids have days when they doubt themselves. Just like us, they want to feel valued and appreciated.

If we don't believe in them, who will? Wish I could have had this eye opener a few months ago. Our kids are not perfect, but they each have good in them. Look for it. It might surprise you just how amazing they are.